A podcast host with a considerable following on X/Twitter recently strayed from his normal posts about tech and climate change - his areas of interest - to lament that aging in your 40s is manageable but when you hit 50 "your kids leave and your body falls apart and any illusion of control vanishes." Normally, in response to most of his recent posts, there were anywhere from 5 to 25 replies. This post received over a thousand replies.
Some pointed out that health issues had changed their lives long before 50, while others pointed out that turning 60 or 70 was much worse - just wait! Others said they felt better at 65 or 70 than they had at 50. Some pointed out that while their bodies had failed them they felt better mentally than they had when they were younger. While some shared the podcaster's perspective, many more described a variety of circumstances that defied categorization.
"Age alone is a poor predictor of health status because aging is not a homogenous, linear experience," said Tracey Gendron, chair of the Department of Gerontology at the VCU College of Health Professions, in a recent interview. Gendron is also executive director of the Virginia Center on Aging and author of the book “Ageism Unmasked: Exploring Age Bias and How to End It."
"People age and develop differently, and there are no milestones or expectations to make comparisons," said Gendron. "If we automatically assume someone of a given age is not capable or in poor health, that is ageism."
Even if that someone is ourselves.
Remarkably, I couldn't find any replies that recognized the podcaster's ageism or called him out for it. But most of the replies he received repeatedly pushed back on the idea that aging could be defined by a number. While they might not have been completely conscious of doing so, the commentors were defying ageism!
"I'm 76 and still surf, ski, sketch, enjoy the teenage grandchild. Decline is happening as expected. Too busy to feel sorry for myself."
"I'm 51 and have a 5-year-old...I've never been more happy and active."
"I'm 76 and feel about like I did in my 40's - better, actually, since I don't have to dress up or wear heels."
"I'm 74 and despite my body falling apart, I’m pretty happy. You handle things as they come and adjust."
I’m 64. Yes, kids grow up and leave but watching them grow is amazing. I have my aches and pains. But here’s a secret: you never did have any control. Over anything. So,
let go and just be."
"As a gerontologist, I’m fascinated by the wide chasm between the reality of aging and aging myths and misconceptions. The first and most important thing you can do is educate yourself," said Gendron. "Aging is the one universal thing every human being on the planet has in common. And yet, it is a subject very few people ever take the time to learn about properly."
How is it that we can live for five decades and still allow an aging milestone to cripple our sense of self? How is it possible to feel old when we turn 25? Why do we characterize aging as a series of disasters and cliffs to be fallen off? Why do we categorize and separate age groups from each other?
"Generally speaking, people tend to hyper-focus on the more negative aspects of aging rather than acknowledging that aging is a process of change that includes both decline and growth," said Gendron.
Indeed, whether you're 18 years old and getting your first job or 70 and taking your first yoga class, the reality is that aging is an ongoing process, not a series of checkpoints, and that no matter where we are along the continuum, we all have more in common with each other than we realize.
David McNair handles communications, media relations, and social media efforts for JABA. The article originally appeared in C-Ville Weekly.