8 Tips for Spending the Holidays Alone

The holidays can seem like a time full of love, connection, and joy with those we are close to. The reality is that for many, this holiday season will be spent alone. Whether kids have moved away, a partner has recently been lost, or it is simply a personal choice, there are many reasons many of us spend the holidays away from those we love. Whatever the reason, there are many ways to manage being alone this holiday.

It is normal to feel lonely or sad for the holidays, especially if being alone is a new experience or you are navigating grief (insert link to CSS on anticipatory grief). “Not having people to spend the days with can compound any existing loneliness and worsen it during the holiday times,” said Diana Winston, director of UCLA Mindful, the mindfulness education center at UCLA Health. That doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to lift some of those heavy feelings off your shoulders and explore ways to make the holidays easier.

1.    Reframe Expectations

First, reframe your expectations. The media often shows us what the perfect holiday looks like. This can make it easy to feel like you aren’t doing it right when you are spending the holidays alone. But there is no ‘right’ way to experience the holiday season. Looking at the holidays in a different way may help remove some of the pressure. Instead of focusing on how things should go, focus on how it will go.

2.     Enjoy Solo Activities

If you enjoy festive activities, think of ways to get in the holiday spirit by yourself. Listen to festive music, watch your favorite holiday film, and enjoy the traditions you can.

However, it is okay if that is not what you want. Instead, think of the holidays as a few days to practice self-care (insert self-care article link), or find new traditions. The holidays can be what you want them to be. You could have a solo movie marathon of your favorite non-holiday-themed movies, create tributes to those who have passed, learn a new skill, do puzzles, or read books. A new tradition can be anything that brings you joy when you are feeling low.

3.     Focus on Gratitude

Giving thanks and expressing gratitude can help you focus on the positives and help your mental health this season. Research from the National Library of Medicine suggests practicing gratitude can help with feelings of loneliness as you focus on the good things in life rather than getting stuck in the bad. A gratitude journal can be an easy way to start this practice. Every day, take the time to write down a few things you are grateful for, whatever that may be.

4.     Give Your Time

Volunteering has also proven to have a positive effect on your health. The holiday season has many opportunities to give back to your community and find connection. This could include a holiday gift drive, donating to your local food pantry, and so much more. Reach out to local nonprofits, like JABA, and find out the best ways you can support your community throughout the season and into the new year.

5.     Create Connection

Seeking connection can be another way to make it through a lonely holiday season. It is easy to fall into habits of self-isolation when we are not feeling happy. However, 2018 research from the National Library of Medicine suggests this can have negative effects on our health. Connection doesn’t have to be sitting around a table together eating. Instead, it could be calling up an old friend, attending a local event, or video calling family who lives far away.

6.     Treat Yourself!

It is also important to treat yourself this holiday season. It is the time of giving, and that can include giving to yourself. It could mean buying yourself a gift, traveling somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, or enjoying your favorite dessert. It could also simply be self-care or an experience that brings you joy. Any way of treating yourself that brings you peace and joy can help lift your mood.

7.     Honor Your Feelings

Feel your feelings. It is okay to not be happy every moment of the day. Accept that you will have some difficult feelings throughout the holiday and hold space for them. Allowing yourself to fully feel your emotions is one of the best ways to heal from those bad days. Consider journaling, creating an art project, or listening to music that gives space to your feelings.

8.     Get Support

If you are having a difficult time coping throughout the holidays, or notice you are feeling sad or lonely more often, it is okay to ask for help. Reach out to a professional and talk about how you are feeling. Conditions like Seasonal Affective Disorder affect millions every year. A doctor or mental health professional may have resources or strategies that can help you cope and get through the colder months.

While there are many reasons why you may be alone during the holiday season, you do not have to spend the season lonely. Reframing expectations, finding connection in new places, and treating yourself can all help you make it through the season. More than anything, treat yourself with gratitude and remember the holidays don't last forever.

 Ty Mynes is a Writer and Communications Specialist at JABA.

How Optimism Can Help You Live Better, Longer

You have probably heard the phrase “looking at the glass half-full” regarding how you respond during hardships, but did you know this saying can also be applied to your health? While many think that proper nutrition and regular exercise are all you need for a long, healthy life, current research suggests that a positive outlook can be just as significant.

May is Older Americans Month, a time to recognize the contributions of older adults and focus on their well-being so they can live long, healthy lives. This month encourages older adults to stay active, engaged, and connected, emphasizing the benefits of a positive outlook on life. This year’s theme, “Flip the Script”, reminds us we can embrace our future and age how we choose to. Flipping the script on a negative mindset and owning how we age has many positive benefits, leading to a longer and healthier life.

A Harvard study found that people who are more optimistic tend to live longer than those who are pessimistic. They also had a greater chance of living past 85. Researchers analyzed data from 70,000 women from the Nurses’ Health Study over eight years. Overall, high levels of optimism were associated with a longer life span. The study controlled for factors such as chronic physical conditions like high cholesterol, and health behaviors like smoking. Although the study focused on women, researchers involved say the same findings can probably be applied to men.

Dr. Eric Kim, one of the researchers from the study, said, "When comparing the most optimistic to the least optimistic women, people had a reduced risk of dying from cancer, infection, stroke, heart disease, and lung disease. It seems to have the most effect on cardiovascular outcomes and the smallest effect on cancer outcomes."

An older study from 2002 found older adults who had more positive outlooks on aging lived on average 7.5 years longer than those with less positive outlooks.

So why do optimists tend to live longer? The truth is, researchers still aren’t positive.

Dr. Kim believes people who are more optimistic tend to have healthier habits and behaviors, but his study also shows that optimists tend to live longer even when factors like regular exercise, tobacco use, and nutrition are included.

Some researchers suggest positive thinking can reduce stress, which in turn reduces the risk for heart disease and diabetes due to low cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone, levels. Others believe being optimistic is potentially genetic and there is something deeper within our genes that cannot yet be studied.

It is, however, important to understand that optimism can’t control everything. People have diseases for all types of reasons, most out of their control, and no amount of optimism can change that.

Still, it doesn’t hurt to try and see the bright side. Whether you are naturally optimistic or not, there are steps you can take to try and change your perspective.

First, reframe situations; when dealing with a difficult situation, try to look for the positives. Is there anything you can learn from this? Anything you can do differently next time?

Next, set goals that are specific and realistic every day. Instead of giving yourself a big project like fixing up the yard, start small and find tasks you plan to get done, like mowing or weeding the garden. Research shows setting goals and having the confidence to achieve these goals is linked to optimism. Setting smaller, more specific goals gives you a higher chance of completing those goals.

Strengthening social relationships is also a great way to be more optimistic. Having a strong social network is directly related to positive thinking. Humans are social creatures and need to have a community around us. Try joining new groups and clubs, or schedule time to see friends and family regularly. If you are over 60, try a JABA Community Center to make new friends and keep your community large and supportive.

Finally, therapists recommend practicing smiling to combat sad moods. Smiling can trick your brain into believing you are happy, which can then cause actual feelings of happiness. Multiple studies have shown smiling can help reduce the body’s response to stress, and lower heart rate and blood pressure, all of which can lead to longevity.

While it is not always easy to put a smile on your face and move forward when you experience challenges, there are many steps you can try to flip the script and take control of your mental health to see things from a more positive outlook. The most important thing is to remember to be kind to yourself and take things one day at a time. It could add years to your life.

Ty Mynes is a writer and marketing specialist at JABA. 

National Healthcare Decisions Day

As a culture, we have an aversion to talking about death. We want to avoid conversations about the end, thinking when we speak about death, we invite it into our lives. However, life is unexpected, illness and accidents can happen at any time. Avoiding the topic can only cause more problems, especially when it comes to your healthcare wishes.

Dr. Ira Byock, a leader in end-of-life care said, "I have an Advance Directive not because I have a serious illness but because I have a family.” If you are no longer able to make those choices, would your family know your wishes? ”By discussing our wishes for what happens as we approach the end of life, we can drastically increase the chances that our dying will actually play out as we hope,” said Byock.

An Advance Directive is a set of legal documents that tell your healthcare provider and family members what your wishes are if you become unable to do so. They empower a person to have their wishes honored in the event they can no longer speak for themselves. These documents include, but are not limited to living wills, health care power of attorney, do-not-resuscitate orders, and orders for life-saving treatment.

According to research in the Journal of Gerontological Nursing, having an Advance Directive is linked to higher rates of palliative care, reduced stress towards the end of life, improved communication between healthcare professionals and a patient's family, reduced healthcare costs, and lower rates of depression among families after a loved one’s death.

If starting an Advance Directive is something you have put off doing, here are some steps to help you get started. First, reflect on your values and wishes to decide what is important to you at the end of life.

Next, pick someone you trust to either make decisions for you or to make sure your wishes are honored as your healthcare proxy. This can be a family member, a loved one, or a lawyer. Talk to them about your values and what you want. These conversations can be hard to start, but it doesn’t have to be, it can be as easy as, “I was reading an article about advance care planning. We should talk about what our wishes are.”

Then, go to your doctor. Advance Care Planning is covered under Medicare as part of your yearly wellness visit. Talking to your health provider can give you insight into what decisions may come up based on your own health.

Complete your advance directive forms to make the process official. In Virginia, Advance Directives do not need to be notarized, and they don’t need to be written on specific forms, however using a pre-made form can make the process easier. All you are required for an AD in Virginia is your written care requests in your own words, signed by yourself and two witnesses.  Each state has its own rules about Advance Directives. Share these forms with your healthcare proxy, doctors, and loved ones.

Finally, keep the conversation going. It is recommended you update your forms at least once a year or after a major life change like marriage, divorce, or new health diagnosis. Note the date the older copy was replaced by a new one and make sure the new copy is sent to everyone who had the old one.

While discussing and planning for the end of life can be uncomfortable, it is an important step in ensuringhdd our wishes are respected and helping our loved ones avoid making those difficult decisions on their own. Creating an Advance Directive can help you take control of your healthcare decisions, reduce stress for your family, and improve communication with healthcare providers. Taking the time to reflect on our values, communicate our wishes, and formalize them through legal documents is a proactive approach to facing the inevitable with dignity and clarity.

Ty Mynes is a writer and marketing specialist at JABA. 

March Activity Calendars at JABA's Centers

Activity calendars for our Community Centers in Charlottesville, Southern Albemarle, Greene County, Nelson County, and Louisa County, as well as our JRECs in Charlottesville and Louisa, and now available. Check them out and consider joining a center near you!

See full Community Center activity calendars with lunch menus HERE and full JREC calendars with lunch menus HERE.

For general information about our Community Centers, Contact Lizzie Lewis, Community Center & Health Services Manager, at 434-817-5247 or llewis@jabacares.org. For information about our JRECS, or to schedule a tour, call 434-817-5235 (Charlottesville), 540-500-5961 (Louisa), or submit our online form.

Charlottesville JREC Calendar

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Louisa JREC Calendar

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Mary Williams Community Center (Charlottesville)

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Southern Albemarle Community Center (Esmont)

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Greene County Community Center

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Louisa County Community Center

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Cecilia Epps Community Center (Nelson County)

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Fluvanna County Community Centers

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Black History Month at JABA

During Black History Month every year we get the opportunity to highlight and honor the legacy of two women for whom our Community Centers in Charlottesville and Nelson County were named. We also get to show how local Black History has shaped our organization and continues to do so today. 

Mary Williams

Williams as a young woman.

Williams, for whom our Mary Williams Community Center in Charlottesville is named, grew up in Charlottesville and wanted to be a nurse. Because she was Black she couldn’t attend school here to become one, so she had to move away to fulfill that ambition. When she returned with her degree she found that she had to leave town again because she couldn’t find a job here. After a successful career elsewhere, she retired and returned to Charlottesville, only to discover that many seniors, especially Black seniors, had no adequate place where they could gather, have lunch, and socialize. There was a senior center located at the Jefferson School, but the space was in such disrepair that the local Health Department had threatened to close it down. So Williams helped organize a protest downtown demanding that the City help provide a senior center, and with signs in hand she and her fellow seniors headed to a City Council meeting to voice their concerns.

“I could not attend school here to get a nursing degree, so I had to leave town,” Williams told Councilors. “When I returned as a nurse, I could not get a job because I was Black. I had to leave town again. Now, I’m back and don’t tell me I have to leave my town again to go to a senior center.”

In 2011, William’s granddaughter, Michele Gibson, joined us at the new Jefferson School City Center, when the center was then located there, as we announced it would be named in her grandmother's honor. Today, the center is located at JABA’s main offices on Hillsdale Drive, where members continue to carry on her legacy.

Later this month, Ms. Gibson will join us again at Timberlake Place Apartments in Charlottesville as we dedicate the naming of the Community Room there in her grandmother's honor. 

William’s granddaughter, Michele Gibson, giving a presentation about her grandmother’s life at the Mary Williams Community Center in 2022.

Cecilia Epps & Nelson County

Epps, for whom our Cecilia Epps Community Center in Nelson County is named, worked with JABA for 38 years as an Aging Service Coordinator/Case Manager. During that time, Ms. Epps was JABA in Nelson County. She helped to implement new programs, and she worked closely with the Blue Ridge Clinic. Her retirement brought a gym-full of people to honor her at the Nelson Center. For the Nelson County African American Oral History Project, she also told the remarkable story of how she and her husband, Fletcher, fought to improve the quality of education for their children and integrate the school system in Nelson County. Born in 1926, Mrs. Epps grew up on a small farm her father bought from a former slave-owning family and went on to build a house of her own and raise six children. It's an amazing story! 

The Yancey School & Esmont

Members of JABA’s Southern Albemarle Community Center eating lunch together in the former cafeteria of the Yancy School.

Following the Civil War a community of African-Americans remained in Esmont to buy land, start businesses, farm, and work as domestics and laborers for the families that once enslaved them, forming a largely self-subsistent community. While they endured extreme poverty, they also worked together to make thing better.

Black parents, teachers, and community leaders had to successfully sue the local government to buy the land for what would become Esmont High School in 1904, and later Benjamin F. Yancey Elementary School in 1960, named for the Black educator who led the original effort to build the school. Sadly, the Albemarle County School Board decided to close Yancey Elementary School in 2017, citing declining enrollment, making it the first time in over 100 years there wasn't a school in Esmont. The school building has since become a community center and home to JABA's Southern Albemarle Community Center, which relocated from Scottsville, and members were quick to keep the memory of the tight-knit African American community alive. 

Last year, members created a map of Porter's Road in Esmont on either side of Route 6 from memory, naming the schools, churches, grocery stores, beauty salons, car garages, and other businesses...Thomas Store, Feggans Barber Shop, Esmont Hotel, Cozy Corner, Paige's Garage, the Cary Sawmill...

"This one road supported itself," said Karl Bolden, a JABA center member who grew up in Esmont along Porters Road in the 1960s. "I didn't see poor people here. If somebody needed help, somebody helped them. We all supported each other."

Today, the JABA center members admit that the Esmont community isn't as tight-knit as it once was, that people buying up land and property aren't necessarily aware of the area's history and that a majority of community members who remember or recognize Esmont's history are retired and aging.

"This is still a thriving community with a rich history," insisted center member Graham Paige, who grew up in Esmont and taught in local schools for 30 years after getting his Masters at UVA. As a former Albemarle County School Board member, he was one of two members who voted not to close Yancey Elementary School. He hopes the Yancey Community Center can help preserve the community's legacy and that the County will focus on the area.

Burley High School & Vinegar Hill

MWCC members with a presentation about Jackson P. Burley High School.

Mary Williams Community Center members have often shared their memories of attending segregated Jackson P. Burley High School on Rose Hill Drive. Jackson P. Burley was an educator and prominent African American Businessman who sold 17 acres he owned on Rose Hill Drive for the construction of the school, which opened in 1951 and graduated its last class of seniors in 1967, eight years after school integration began in Charlottesville. Later, the school became Jackson P. Burley Middle School, which serves students from Albemarle County. Center members often recall the amazing Burley Band, which was always the highlight of local parades, and their famed football team, the “Burley Bears.” The 1956 Burley Bears were memorialized in a documentary by local filmmaker Lorenzo Dickerson called “Color Line of Scrimmage.” Not only did the team go undefeated that year, but none of their opponents scored against them, and their home games were more popular than UVA football games. Members have also highlighted the Monument Wall that was placed in front of the school and dedicated in 2018 to honor that history.

Last year, members watch and discussed another film by Dickerson's, a documentary called “Raised/Razed,” which tells the story of the vibrant black businesses and community of Charlottesville’s Vinegar Hill neighborhood before its destruction in 1964 because of Urban Renewal policy. Members continue to recall rich memories from this time period, and we are grateful for their stories that preserve this time in history for us.

Mary Williams Community Center Member watch the documenatry “Raised/Razed.”

Extra reading...

You can also learn about Elva Key and Waltine Eubanks, two long-standing members of our Advisory Committee who served the Nelson and Fluvanna County communities.  

Finding Joy Through the Holidays

December is almost over and the holidays are in full swing. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to stay happy and have a good time during the holidays; after all, it is the season of being merry and bright. It isn’t always that easy, however. For some, the holidays act as a reminder of how much they have lost and how lonely they are.

“We do see an increase in depression during this time of year for a variety of reasons,” says geriatrician Dr. Renee Abueg in a recent UCI Health article. “Combined with the stresses of daily life, the holidays and the expectations around them add pressure on our time, finances and even our health.”

Although the holiday may not look as it once did, with a few small lifestyle adjustments the season can still be meaningful.

The first thing to remember is the holiday doesn’t need to be perfect. It’s okay if your holidays look different from past years or if traditions have changed. Look at small changes you can make to make the holidays less overwhelming for you — and if you do notice yourself getting overwhelmed give yourself a minute to step back and breathe. Allow yourself grace to feel whatever emotions the holidays bring up, but don’t let them take over your day.

Hydration and proper nutrition are incredibly important as the days get shorter. Make sure to drink water throughout

the day and to nourish your body, vegetables, fruits, whole grains, healthy fats, and protein are essential parts of a balanced diet and should not be forgotten during the holidays. Additionally, staying active should still be a priority even when it is cold outside. Try moving your exercises inside when possible and make sure to properly bundle up when outdoors.

The holidays don’t have to be a lonely time. Focus on staying connected with others by seeing friends, talking to family, and getting out of the house. Try a new hobby, work at the library, or visit your local JABA Community Center for social engagement and the chance to try new activities.

Finally, remember the holidays are about giving back. Helping others is a great way to boost your mood. Many nonprofits and religious organizations have a huge demand for volunteers during the holidays, reach out to them and see how you can help. You could also assist a friend with holiday prep, help your neighbor bring in the additional holiday mail, or donate canned food to your local food pantry. No matter how big or small the task you will make a huge difference in multiple lives.

While the holidays can bring about feelings of joy and togetherness, it can also be a challenging time for many. It is important to address these feelings, both the good and the bad, rather than trying to ignore them. By making small changes to our expectations and routines, staying connected with others, maintaining healthy habits and self-care, and giving back to the community we can create a meaningful holiday experience.

Ty Mynes is a writer and marketing specialist at JABA. This article originally appeared in C-Ville Weekly.

Donations in motion: How area organizations are giving back this season

Cville Weekly - Across its service area of Charlottesville, Region 10, and five neighboring counties, Jefferson Area Board for Aging is working to bring merriment to older and disabled adults this December. More than 150 people will benefit from the holiday gift drive, which includes both practical and fun items.

“We hope that the gift bags will let our members know that they are loved, appreciated, and, most of all, seen,” said Teresa Cooper, a JABA volunteer service coordinator. “We were blown away by the donations and support from our community, and are so thankful. Our volunteer center is overflowing with gifts for our members.”

The donation window for JABA’s holiday gift drive has closed, but the organization always welcomes items such as arts and crafts supplies, puzzle books, and household items. Read more at C-Ville Weekly.

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