The holidays can seem like a time full of love, connection, and joy with those we are close to. The reality is that for many, this holiday season will be spent alone. Whether kids have moved away, a partner has recently been lost, or it is simply a personal choice, there are many reasons many of us spend the holidays away from those we love. Whatever the reason, there are many ways to manage being alone this holiday.
It is normal to feel lonely or sad for the holidays, especially if being alone is a new experience or you are navigating grief (insert link to CSS on anticipatory grief). “Not having people to spend the days with can compound any existing loneliness and worsen it during the holiday times,” said Diana Winston, director of UCLA Mindful, the mindfulness education center at UCLA Health. That doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to lift some of those heavy feelings off your shoulders and explore ways to make the holidays easier.
1. Reframe Expectations
First, reframe your expectations. The media often shows us what the perfect holiday looks like. This can make it easy to feel like you aren’t doing it right when you are spending the holidays alone. But there is no ‘right’ way to experience the holiday season. Looking at the holidays in a different way may help remove some of the pressure. Instead of focusing on how things should go, focus on how it will go.
2. Enjoy Solo Activities
If you enjoy festive activities, think of ways to get in the holiday spirit by yourself. Listen to festive music, watch your favorite holiday film, and enjoy the traditions you can.
However, it is okay if that is not what you want. Instead, think of the holidays as a few days to practice self-care (insert self-care article link), or find new traditions. The holidays can be what you want them to be. You could have a solo movie marathon of your favorite non-holiday-themed movies, create tributes to those who have passed, learn a new skill, do puzzles, or read books. A new tradition can be anything that brings you joy when you are feeling low.
3. Focus on Gratitude
Giving thanks and expressing gratitude can help you focus on the positives and help your mental health this season. Research from the National Library of Medicine suggests practicing gratitude can help with feelings of loneliness as you focus on the good things in life rather than getting stuck in the bad. A gratitude journal can be an easy way to start this practice. Every day, take the time to write down a few things you are grateful for, whatever that may be.
4. Give Your Time
Volunteering has also proven to have a positive effect on your health. The holiday season has many opportunities to give back to your community and find connection. This could include a holiday gift drive, donating to your local food pantry, and so much more. Reach out to local nonprofits, like JABA, and find out the best ways you can support your community throughout the season and into the new year.
5. Create Connection
Seeking connection can be another way to make it through a lonely holiday season. It is easy to fall into habits of self-isolation when we are not feeling happy. However, 2018 research from the National Library of Medicine suggests this can have negative effects on our health. Connection doesn’t have to be sitting around a table together eating. Instead, it could be calling up an old friend, attending a local event, or video calling family who lives far away.
6. Treat Yourself!
It is also important to treat yourself this holiday season. It is the time of giving, and that can include giving to yourself. It could mean buying yourself a gift, traveling somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, or enjoying your favorite dessert. It could also simply be self-care or an experience that brings you joy. Any way of treating yourself that brings you peace and joy can help lift your mood.
7. Honor Your Feelings
Feel your feelings. It is okay to not be happy every moment of the day. Accept that you will have some difficult feelings throughout the holiday and hold space for them. Allowing yourself to fully feel your emotions is one of the best ways to heal from those bad days. Consider journaling, creating an art project, or listening to music that gives space to your feelings.
8. Get Support
If you are having a difficult time coping throughout the holidays, or notice you are feeling sad or lonely more often, it is okay to ask for help. Reach out to a professional and talk about how you are feeling. Conditions like Seasonal Affective Disorder affect millions every year. A doctor or mental health professional may have resources or strategies that can help you cope and get through the colder months.
While there are many reasons why you may be alone during the holiday season, you do not have to spend the season lonely. Reframing expectations, finding connection in new places, and treating yourself can all help you make it through the season. More than anything, treat yourself with gratitude and remember the holidays don't last forever.
Ty Mynes is a Writer and Communications Specialist at JABA.